A Pastor's Thoughts on True Communication
- By Pastor Jimmy Elder
- Sep 18, 2018
- 3 min read
Pastor of First Baptist Church, Jimmy Elder, shares his thoughts on true conversation and connection.
A few months after our first son was born, I got Roxann out of the house; and we went to a place of quiet refuge—a mall! I told Roxann that I would stroll J.C. while she shopped for the first time in quite a while. I was the proud dad walking through the mall, certain that everyone would stop to look at the most beautiful baby who had ever been born. I parked myself in one of those areas where there were a couple of benches, a trashcan, some mall plants and a nearby sunglasses kiosk. J.C. had fallen asleep, and I decided to sit down.
A perfect stranger came over and sat down on the bench next to me. He glanced into the stroller, saw J.C. and proceeded to talk, nonstop . . . about himself. The monologue went something like this:
Hi! This has been a really rough day. Have you ever had a day like that? I’m sure you have. I went to the office only to find that the person who was supposed to have done something had not done it and that made it so I could not do what I needed to do . . . .Don’t you hate to depend on someone and they not come through? I know you do. The day was long and people got mad at me for not getting the work done . . . work that I could not do because of that other person. Then I left the office and got in all sorts of traffic and decided to stop by the mall to unwind. You know how that is, don’t you? Bye. Hope you have a good day.
The man walked off without having taken a breath or stopped talking, and without my having made a single response. He asked the questions, gave my answers and told the story, acting as if he was interested in a conversation when he was really only offering me a one-sided blast of his ideas.
I have often thought of that moment, told the story and even used it in a sermon. What I did not realize was how prophetic that moment was of the age into which we have entered—an age of tweets, texts, Instagram shots and the like. Good, two-way conversation has given way to one-sided blasts of ideas, thoughts, information and comments. We engage in idea sharing without real communication taking place. Communication happens, as I was taught, when a thought is offered, received, responded to, and then that is responded to as well. It is true interaction between parties.
Our society was built on debate and conversation that allowed everyone to offer their ideas in a context of emotion, expression, rises and falls in tones and other subtle communicative elements. Most of this, if not all of it, is lost. An Emoji is no substitute for a tear, a smile, a wrinkled brow, a sigh, eye contact, a touch or other elements that are often a part of a face to face conversation.
This morning’s comic page has a little character musing, If Social Media is making the world a smaller place . . . why are we not closer to each other? Closer, indeed.
Truly, when we sit at the table together, both physically and figuratively, we are closer as a community. It is all about we.
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